Stupid News…

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Paul Torrance of Kansas was arrested and charged with driving under the influence, then released on bail on condition that he not drive, arrived late to his first court hearing, absentmindedly explaining to the judge that he had trouble finding a parking space.

 In London, two burglars were arrested for breaking into an office complex.   The wife of one of the burglars quickly hired the firm of Wyman & Wylie to represent the robbers. Not a good move though… it was the offices of Wyman and Wylie that the men had tried to rob…..

 Cascade County, Montana Sheriff John Strandell, though he had heard it all until he stopped Ray Lutz, who was doing 104 mph in a 45 mph zone…. Lutz said he had just had the truck washed and he was speeding just to dry it off…..

 An art thief made off with a $385,000 Ming platter from a Tokyo museum but unfortunately dropped the 600-year-old masterpiece on the street as he tried to put it in his trunk.

 Someone recently proposed that prison inmates pay state and local taxes on all purchases at the prison commissary. The idea brought in $520,000 dollars in the first year, but it cost the state 1.5 million dollars to hire a staff for each prison to administer the program.

 Duane Babcock hailed a taxi in Portland, Oregon recently and went to a Bank of America branch which he entered and robbed while the cabbie waited outside…. The cabbie, unaware of the robbery then drove Babcock away afterward….witnesses identified the taxi, but when questioned by police , the cabbie could not identify the passenger and was no help to police investigating the robbery…. until a week later when a man called for a taxi the cabbie recognized him as the same guy who had called for a cab the day the bank was robbed…. this time he paid attention and called police when he dropped the man off…

A Christchurch [New Zealand] hairdresser was concerned that the behavior of her client seemed a little odd, especially as they were alone in the Salon late in the evening. When his hand began making a rhythmic up and down motion under cover of the ‘cape’ she brained him with a handy hair dryer and managed to render him temporarily unconscious. She called the police who arrived impressively fast before the pervert regained consciousness. The cape was thrown back to reveal the pair of glasses he’d been cleaning.

 What’s up with drug dealers nowadays? Police stopped an old 1975 van on I-95 recently just outside of Woodbridge, Va. The van was rusted out, severely dented, literally falling apart and trailing so much smoke behind that police had to pull them over… Inside, officers found $1.5 million dollars in drugs and several thousand dollars in cash….   These guys couldn’t afford a better van???…

Santa Clara County set up a 15 member task force to study the reasons for low voter turnout in elections… The committee has been studying the matter for 4 years and still has not filed a report… in fact, they haven’t had enough people at a meeting in 3 years to form a quorum….

 Down in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, Jimmy Eason took a cab to a downtown location where he pulled a stick-up… then used the same, unsuspecting cabbie to make his getaway… Several blocks away, Jimmy jumped out of the car and fled on foot,…. Without paying the fare…. The cabby chased the fare-beater for several blocks attracting the attention of local police who caught and arrested Eason who, by the way, had $120,000 dollars from the robbery on his person… by the way, the cab fare only came to $8.00…

 Police in Coventry, England pulled a narcotics raid at an apartment building… Nine officers squeezed into an elevator going to the 7th floor… the overloaded elevator got stuck between floors, but their shouts attracted the attention of several men who were leaving the building…. But unfortunately, they did not go for help…. Yep, they were the drug dealers the police were on their way to bust…

Gadsden, Ala. Police went to the home of Marcy Haliburt and told her she was under arrest. When she asked why they said for a long list of forgeries and passing bad checks, Then Marcy sighed with relief and said, Oh no, you have the wrong person, I’m into shoplifting, You want my sister Mary, she’s the forger, she lives upstairs…

Hal Prahl, walked into a bar in Westport, Conn, with a chainsaw and proceeded to carve his name in the wall. When he finished, he explained to the bartender that he had won a 3-year-old bet with the owner, a longtime friend of his, and asked him to call his friend Tom….. That’s when the bartender explained that his friend Tom had sold the bar last year…

Cheryl White from Tampa, Fla. didn’t like the necklace her boyfriend gave her for her birthday. She pulled out a gun and fired three shots at him. Cheryl says she became upset because the engraving on the back of the necklace said… “I love you, Selena”…

Keven E. Tibbs was arrested in Brunswick, Md… According to Officer Robin Purdum, Tibbs had attempted to steal a parking meter and was trying to conceal it in his pants when he was stopped…

And how about Nelson Marotti, in Brazil. Nelson is disputing his latest phone bill, but the phone company is claiming that the bill is correct. Nelson says that he is willing to pay the $31 in long distance charges, which he does not dispute, but the bill for 43 million dollars in local calls…? He says that’s got to be a mistake.

 

Stupid News…

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Two men in Cleveland, Ohio… had a grudge that went back a long way… They began arguing recently as they had often done before… in the narrow hallway of an apartment house… This time though.. the two men went back to their apartments and returned carrying guns… and began to blaze away… Both shot their full load, reloaded and emptied their guns again… 24 bullets were fired in all as alarmed residents call the police… One detective said there were bullet holes everywhere… but neither man was hurt… even though they were standing only a few feet apart during the duel… maybe that’s because one was 77… and the other 76… one needed a cane to prop himself up while he fired… and the other had trouble seeing because of severe glaucoma… Both men insisted the feud is not over…..

A thief in Singapore who stole a bag containing a laptop, a cell phone and a wallet filled with credit cards… called the victim… offering to return the bag… if the victim left $25,000 in the lobby… of the apartment building where the thief lived… and included his address…

Terry Karas, was stopped by police in Pa. , while carrying a 21 inch TV down the street… Karas was three blocks from the department store that had just reported a theft of a TV… Terry told police that he had not stolen the T.V. set… he was merely trying to see if he would be able to carry it home… if he did decide to buy it….

Stupid News

head-1597547_640In Salinas, Calif., doughnut shop owner Allen Stone pleaded guilty to insurance fraud. After an employee was shot during a holdup, Singh dragged the wounded man’s body out to the sidewalk to make it appear he was a customer, and not an employee, because Singh did not have worker compensation coverage.

In November, firefighters near Portland, Ore., were called to rescue a woman and her two kids, who were trapped upside down in an Alfa Romeo as a result of a one-car crash. The woman interrupted the extrication–by the “jaws of life” tool–in order to take a call on her cell phone. Said a rescuer, “It was unbelievable. She’s hanging partially out of her vehicle, and she proceeds to have an argument with her husband about what happened to the car.”

At a pharmacy, a woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. “It won’t work,” countered the woman…….”I’m not the mother, I’m the grandmother.” 

According to Gene Dumont, a wildlife biologist with the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife, a man once called to request that the deer- crossing signs on a road near his home be removed because a number of deer had been hit there. “He wanted the deer-crossing signs taken down,” Dumont explained, “because he didn’t want the deer to cross there anymore.”